A powerful perspective on networking for introverts, which takes into consideration their personality type!
I don’t know about you, but I found networking challenging until … I’ve shifted my perspective!
Extroverts are everywhere. And they’re doing very well in social situations and professional networking (it energizes them). On the other side, after social interactions, introverts get depleted of energy and need to recharge through solitude. However, this doesn’t mean that introverts can’t benefit from networking. They just need to find their way into it.
Susan Cain—author of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking“ and the TED Talk “The Power of Introverts” with millions of views—also recognizes introvert’s challenge related to networking.
I still remember how awkward I felt at my first networking event in Canada. When I finally talked with someone, I’ve asked: “Everybody here knows each other? They seem to be so comfortable talking.” The lady smiled. “No, they all are here to meet new people.”
That really surprised me! It took me a lot of courage to step out of my comfort zone to just ask her.
There are and have been successful introverts: J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter creator), Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Warren Buffett, Elon Musk (CEO Tesla Motors, Engineer, Inventor), Larry Page (Google Co-founder and CEO), Steve Wozniak (Co-founder Apple), Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook Founder and CEO), and many more.
If success is not something you’re looking for, it’s ok. Just notice that all the above-mentioned introverts have something in common: they’ve started with a great idea, followed through and, in time, success came as a byproduct. They were passionate about something!
How did they get there? For sure, they found their way to meeting and associating themselves with the right people that helped them achieve such success. Isn’t that networking?!
Now, if I picked your interest in networking, here are 7 tips to network … the introvert’s way!
Plus one more, in the downloadable checklist at the end—to use as a reminder.
These tips are mainly for in-person events, and some could apply to online events as well.
1. Look at the social event as a way to get where you want
If there is a networking or social event you’re interested in, that’s a clue that you need to go. To get the motivation and courage to participate, become curious about how that event can help you move forward toward what you want. You might meet someone who shares a great idea you needed. Maybe you’ll find a partner, or get inspired by something happening there.
You’ll never find out if you don’t go there. Get curiosity on your side and leave any fear at the door. Have you noticed you can’t be curious and fearful at the same time? One thing will happen for sure: your comfort zone will expand, and you’ll benefit from that in the future! (more on this a little later)
2. Set an intention for that specific event. What would you like to get out of it?
Before going to an event or meeting, set an intention! Think of and write what you’d like to get by participating in that event.
As Norman Vincent Peale said: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” You might not get all you want from that specific event. However, setting that intention will put you into an inquisitive mindset. This will help to overcome or decrease the fears that otherwise could make you feel uncomfortable while there. And will open you up to connecting with people in a more authentic way. They’ll appreciate it. You’ll get a more pleasant experience and, probably, some benefits!
3. Decide a minimum time to spend there. Pay attention to your energy level
Introverts tire easily in social situations. Deciding upfront for a minimum time to spend there will reassure you that you’ll not leave so tired that it will derail your plans for the rest of the day (or next days). It will also give you something to look forward to, so you don’t look for an exit as soon as you’re there. This way, you’re giving yourself the chance to seize the opportunities available for you at that event.
While you’re there, pay also attention to your own energy level. If it gets too low, you’ll not feel well enough to carry on a pleasant conversation. Nor to pay much attention to what’s going on there. If that’s happening, give yourself permission to switch to “observer” mode until your set time passes. Then leave, knowing that you achieved at least one of your objectives: spending that amount of time there. Smile, give yourself a pat on the back, and head home knowing that you also achieved something else: you’ve expanded your “networking” comfort zone! It’ll get bigger next time.
4. Look for other introverts in the room to connect
Studies show that introverts are 30 to 50% of the U.S. population. About 50% in Canada. And many other countries also have a similarly high percentage. Interesting, isn’t it?
If we apply this on a smaller scale, like a networking or social event, you’ll find introverts there too. Look around in the room! They might hide in the corners or near the wall, observing. They probably feel as awkward as you do in that environment. Approach one of them and introduce yourself … it’ll make that person happy!
Many introverts like helping others. If you’re like that, use this to make yourself feel better in social situations (by helping someone else). This will increase your chance of making good connections with other introverts.
We (introverts) are much more comfortable starting a discussion with another introvert than with an extrovert.
After getting more comfortable this way, you can expand your reach to other people (introverts or extroverts) in the room. You can even ask your new connection to introduce you to someone else. Or introduce that person to someone you just met before you go to meet someone else (or take a pause).
5. Expand your comfort zone: do one thing differently than a previous similar situation
The comfort zone is a psychological state in which a person feels familiar and experiences low anxiety and stress. It might not be as comfortable as you’d like it to be, but at least you’re familiar with.
Stepping out of your comfort zone, even a little, will help you learn something new about yourself, about the environment you’re in, and about others. When that learning occurs, your comfort zone expands. Next time you’ll be in a similar situation, you’ll feel a bit more comfortable than you felt before.
So use networking and social events to expand your comfort zone. If you do at least one thing differently next time, you’ll continue to expand your comfort zone.
Doing something slightly different will also lead to a positive long-term impact on your life. Think of this difference in terms of a 2% angle. Imagine how much that angle will expand with the passing of time!
When I told someone that I enjoy coaching introverts (being one myself), he said: “Do you want to transform them in extroverts?!”
Well, I can’t make them extroverts. And I wouldn’t want to, even if I could.
Introverts have many strengths, complementary to extroverts. They’re both valuable. There are psychological differences between introverts and extroverts. Our brains have distinct wiring! We’re born that way, as many published research studies* mention.
What I do though: I help introverts expand their comfort zone so they too can tap into the benefits of meeting new and interesting people. And fulfill their need for socializing. Since introverts are social beings too; just need to find their way to fulfill this need while staying true to their introvert nature!
*Psychology journals like British Journal of Psychology, Journal of Psychological Type, Brain Topography (to name a few), and the American Psychological Association mention the differences between extroversion and introversion.
6. Choose more wisely what events you’ll attend
Big events are usually overwhelming for introverts. A good idea would be to choose smaller events or social gatherings that interest you. We’re pretty good in one-on-one conversations (especially with people or on topics we love), so smaller events might suit us better. Is there a presentation or workshop you’d be interested in attending? Go for it! You’ll have something in common with the other participants, so you can start or join a conversation more easily.
Big events have their own benefits. I prefer to choose some of them to test my comfort zone: Did it expand since I previously attended a similar event? Do I want to try a new networking technique? Will I connect with someone new? Do I get a surprise? I’ll go with a curious mind.
I recently attended such an event, and was pleased with the outcome. I focused more on my intention (what I wanted to get from that event) than on how unpleasant such events used to be for an introvert like me.
Try this tactic! It felt less awkward to be there. Being curious and keeping my limiting beliefs at bay helped me leave the event with more energy than I’ve expected.
Pay also attention to intuition when you decide which events to attend. It is an excellent guide to choose the right events for you.
7. Remember that not all eyes are on you!
I’ve recently coached someone in a public space, a library study room with glass walls. At the beginning, she felt uneasy, believing that all the eyes were on her. From a pure coaching perspective, I asked her to challenge her own belief by looking around. To her surprise, everyone else focused on their own stuff. No-one was looking at her! That simple experience got her out of her comfort zone, expanding it.
It’s the same in a networking event: people go there with their own agenda, insecurities, and expectations. They’re usually too busy with their own stuff. So you have the freedom to do whatever you want to do there. Keep in mind: by challenging your own beliefs in a specific situation, you’ll discover if they’re still true or not (and take action accordingly). Instead of being driven by what’s only in your mind and avoid other people.
Now back to you!
- Which one is your favourite tip?
- What action you’ll take to put it in practice this week?
Gabriela Casineanu, MBA, MBTI certified & Systems Coach
Founder, Introverts Academy
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If you liked this content, you might also like:
- Download these 7 Networking Tips for Introverts plus one — as a checklist — to have it handy for your next events.
- If you’d like to learn more about Networking … the Introvert Way check out our online course (same title) to learn:
• Why networking is a powerful tool for your career or business
• Strategies to make it work for you while staying true to your introverted nature
• Energy management and other techniques to get the most of networking.